http://www.facebook.com/gypsy.spiritwind

and i’m done …..

Really i’ve been done for a while but it just took me a little time to admit it.

The lies,the revelations,the bullshit…I deserve much better.No one is perfect but he won’t even try.He won’t do something so simple for me now,that would have meant so much to me,he’s not going to do anything when he gets home either.Except have more kids with someone other than me…because I don’t want kids and don’t want to be tied down to a kid.

His family treats me like shit.There is no other word and i’m not one to mince words.I won’t be treated like shit.

I won’t be disrespected in regards to their obsessive contact with a member of my family that I haven’t spoke to in four glorious years.

I won’t be ignored for weeks on end,with no explanation.

I won’t change to make anyone happy.People can either accept me as is or get on down the road.

So I am done. I walk away. Maybe with me gone he can get his head out of the sand and find some sense but at the same time,I don’t really care anymore.

Life goes on.I have wonderful people in my life and somewhere out there is someone who will love me the way that I deserve to be loved. :)

Unconventional….yep that’s me :)

I was raised unconventional and I thank God for that everyday.

My parents were not strict nose to the grind stone parents.My Mama loved the same music,movies,videos and other stuff that I did and my Dad was always very laid back.

I was free to watch MTV or HBO whenever I wanted and no movies were ever off limits.

My Mama loved Madonna and her crosses and bustiers and bras.We bought and collected records from every pop,rock and metal band that exsisted and country music,with the exception of one or two songs,wasn’t something we listened to.She loved MTV and would not only watch it all the time,she would record video premieres that would come on while I was at school.

I could dress however I wanted to dress.

I wasn’t raised by prudes and I certainly didn’t grow into one either and I don’t get people who are.

I am rebellious,always will be,I love to have fun and if there is something crazy to do,give me a few minutes to get myself together and i’m in.I would rather be drinking wine and singing kareaoke (sp?) till 2 AM than just about anything else or playing pool or bowling or playing dominos etc etc etc.

I couldn’t help but noticing people’s comments about some of the Grammy performers last night and I thought…when did these people become like that? Hell my late Granny wasn’t like that.We used to sit up all night and watch scary movies together.

I don’t know what happened to some of the people in my generation but my advice is to stop it and go back to enjoying your life and having fun.Stop talking trash about people because they don’t fall into your prime and proper mold and get out and enjoy everything.

You only get one shot at life,don’t waste it being proper!

too little ,too late

A Valentine card,after four years I finally get a card and while I can’t say I didn’t like the card or the little message in it,I don’t see how you can think at this point it’s enough.Where the hell is my visitor form? You’ve been lying about it since November but it never surfaced and I find out the reason you won’t send one is because i’m basically not worth any inconvenience you might have to go thru if I came to visit.OK well if i’m not worth the effort now,knowing what it would mean to me,then i’m not going to be worth the effort when you come home either.I can’t do this anymore.When you made the effort to write me and call me all the time I was happy but you don’t write me and you haven’t called me in two weeks.I don’t know why.If you are out of minutes then I want to know why the fuck you have been calling,if you are mad because you couldn’t handle my letter and the clear statement of my position on you talking with my worst enemy oh well you better get the hell over it and if you couldn’t stay out of trouble and lost phone priviledges again,I won’t hear from you until sometime in May and i’ll be damned if i’m going to call your family and ask them if they know why you haven’t called because if they do know…they also know my phone number and i’m sick of hearing about my worst enemy everytime I call and in the event something happened,i’m the one you should have contacted and let know about it but you won’t do that.It’s all to your Mom & i’m not going to play second fiddle to anyone.

I haven’t changed…you never understood me.

I’m sick of being lied to and when you started lying to me in November I started to see things in a whole different way.What could have made me so happy,you refused to do.Instead you start promising me that you will be home by the end of the year.HOW can you make a promise like that about something you have no control over????? HOW.It makes me want to scream everytime you repeat that lie and i’m sick of hearing it.

I sit here and I honestly don’t know if this will ever work.Because you can’t do one thing for me that I want except send a card.The card doesn’t make up for the fact that there was no visitor form in it.Just being on the list would have made me feel important.I doubt I could have ever afforded to make the trip to see you,I just wanted to be on the list.

The feeling of betrayal at your revelation that you have been talking to a member of my family that none of us speak to and haven’t spoke to in four years because of the non stop meddling and trouble making and shit stirring hurt so bad.I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.I still feel that everytime I think about it.Not just from you but from your Mom who sat there and lied to my face about not progressing the situation and everyone else who assured me that if she gave me her word I had no reason to worry.Well she stabbed me in the back for no reason and I can’t forgive that.

I love my life,I love my friends,I love the people who make up MY family and i’ll be damned if I will ever turn my back on them or walk away from them.You aren’t worth it.That’s the damn honest truth.You are not worth it at all.

I’m tired of the stress you cause me.NO ONE causes me stress except YOU and i’m sick of it.

I don’t know what to do or say at this point but it’s clear I don’t mean enough to get a visitor form and unless you can fix that,i’m done

Day 36: what you think about your friends

Yep i’m just blogging the ones that interest me and this one I couldn’t pass by.

What do I think about my friends?

Well I have two of the very best friends in the world.They are both like brothers to me and I don’t know what I would do without either of them.

No,let me say right off,I don’t keep women as close friends.Aquaintances but never close friends.To many bad experiences led me to the conclusion that just wasn’t worth my time or effort and let me say that recent events have not led me to think any different.

For my very best friends (YES you both get the same rank! lol) I trust either with my life.I’ve been able to sit down and have lengthy,drawn out talks,get advice,give advice,have complete mental breaks and they’ve been there to glue the little pieces back together.

I don’t know why I am so damn lucky to have them as my friends but I would do anything in the world for them EVEN when I get so mad I want to kill them,I would still turn around & help them so I could kill them,lol.

I may not have a million friends but I have the absolute best two in the world. Love you both bunches.

Day 31: a bit about your social life outside of tumblr

Well I would qualify for a hermit most of the time,lol. Don’t get me wrong I love to go out with my best friends and either go to clubs or kareaoke or bowling or play pool and I will go with them but I won’t go by myself.I mean really what fun is that?

I like to do all the stuff I mentioned before.I like to go to museums,go out to the Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge,go out and take pictures,dance,sing,be crazy and have one hell of a good time.

Right about now,I really want to go out and get drunk,something I don’t do much because i’m normally the driver.

I don’t give a rats happy asss what people say or think about me.

Live life to the fullest because no one gets out alive in the end!

Day 29: a date you’d love for someone to take you on

I guess for me my perfect date would be maybe a walk around the park,some bowling,some kareaoke (sp?) & something to eat,maybe one of those delicious burgers from Gene’s Tasty Burger,lol. Actually that would be perfect for a birthday too forget about a date,I would rather go out and do that with my best friends any damn day of the week.

SO Mr.Romney isn’t worried about the very poor…..

The very poor have safety nets. LMFAO!

Let me tell you about the safety nets.

For the past year I have worked ten hours a week at minimum wage.I have no insurance of any kind.I broke my tooth last March.I wanted to try and save my tooth so I had a root canal,it cost almost $1000 and the discount because I had no insurance was $50.I ran out of money before I could get the cap put on my tooth and ended up breaking it again and had to have it removed.

I do not qualify for disability even though I have a chronic medical condition that makes working full time almost impossible.In fact I landed a great paying 40 hour plus a week job last Summer but I couldn’t do it and had to resign after a week.

I also do not qualify for any other type of help because I own my car & it’s a 2005 model and I own my home.I am not willing to give either one up so I am automatically disqualified from help or the safety nets as you will.

As of today I have no job at all anymore & it’s a if-y situation as to wether I will get my job back or not at this point.

I’m sick of hearing about the middle class.I really am.

Piercing things

Maybe I should call it re-piercing things.

Nope i’m not going thru some second childhood or some crisis.Well,lol,my life is always in some state of crisis.That is just part of my charm.

Last week,out of the blue,I decided it was time to get my nipple repierced.Yep just one,my left one.I’ve had it pierced before.I have a tendancy to put things on my left side.Three of my five tattoos are on the left.I’ve always prefered the left.My left ear has a cartilage piercing that my right ear did not have the priveledge of receiving.

I think my best friends thought I had suddenly slipped off the thin rope I walk on,not because I wanted the piercing but because it seemed to just happen at the drop of a hat.

I am in the process of repiercing things that I at one time had pierced.

Here is what makes me crazy.It’s not the body art or the piercings,it’s the fact that I let my piercings grow up in a stupid ass attempt to be someone that I wasn’t to try and make people like me,by being someone that I wasn’t.I should have a ct scan over that insanity.What the fuck was I thinking?????? In this ridiculous effort to get the approval of my Mom in Law I let my piercings go,joined her church,even sang in the choir,even though I had no real interest in any of it,didn’t agree with what was being preached & felt out of place & uncomfortable at all times.Like I had to walk on glass and be this super perfect person.

Then I got sick of pretending.I missed the real me.I realized that I was hurting the people that really loved & cared about me.Things turned around & I went back to myself.I am happy as is.

I stopped being this “good girl” person just to win the admiration of people who should already like and accept me.I stopped being the obediant daughter in law & well if you don’t want me to work for you because I stopped going to church,oh well ,so be it.I won’t chase after money like that.

I had a wonderful Mama,I don’t need another one.

I stopped going to church after a riveting hate speech about gay people wanting to get married.I figure people should be thankful I didn’t stand up & give my rebutal to the hate speech.I was nice and simply got up and walked out.There is no way in hell i’m going to sit anywhere and listen to that type of shit when the most important people in my life are gay.Hell i’m bi.So WTF!?

It was very apparent and remains so to this day that my inlaws can’t accept the real me.No invites to family gatherings,no phone calls,no info on what’s going on with my hubby’s lawyer (but when he finds that out,that will change),no return phone calls,no answers to text ,no contact at all. It bothered me at first but the more I thought about it the more my motto became…fuck it.

Accept me or forget me.

I’ve got family/friends that love me and care about me and ACCEPT ME AS IS. That’s what matters.They don’t care if i’m inked or pierced or crazy as a damn bed bug.They accept my insanity. LOL.

Being accepted is all anyone really wants and it is what everyone needs.

Now I have nothing against my inlaws.I admit I don’t understand them.I don’t understand why they maintain contact with someone in my family that I haven’t spoke to in three years,even after my Dad talked to them about what this person was doing.No one listened and this person keeps doing the same thing to this day.I have nothing against the people at the church or any church.There is nothing wrong with Christians or the Bible.The problem starts when people start injecting their own ideals into what they are preaching and twisting what the Bible says.Jesus never taught anyone to hate.I really don’t have a problem with anyone so long as they leave me and mine and my family and friends the hell alone.

But I won’t ever ever ever change me again for anyone.

I may not be perfect but I like me.